Battle of the Year 2013

Director

Benson Lee (Planet B-Boy)

Writer/s

Brin Hill (Won't Back Down) yikes

Chris Parker (Mulan II) double yikes 

Notable Actor/s

Josh Holloway (Lost)

Josh Peck (Drake and Josh)

      SPOILERS*

Dance movies are not usually the most critically acclaimed. You can count on them to have dancers that are just getting their feet wet in the acting pond and sub par writing. While focusing on dance and hot bodies , the storyline usually lacks... well story. If anything you can always expect pretty awesome dancing. Once in a while we get a good movie, they're usually in documentary style and gritty as hell. This is not documentary style nor is it good. And it's certainly not gritty.

I stumbled across this long ass film one night and felt compelled to tell the anybody that would listen. I missed the beginning but don't believe that it matters nor do I have any desire to watch what I missed. When I tuned in a group of grown men were being assembled at some kind of weird dance camp. With barbed wire fences surrounding them, impending eliminations, and old rivals forced to work together, the tone of this movie is way too serious and horribly cheesy right out of the gate.

Jason Blake(Holloway), a former basketball coach with no dancing ability or knowledge was hired as their leader. His responsibility, coach about 30 dudes in preparation for a B-boy dance Competition that will be held in France. His rich friend is funding this venture, not sure why. Again, I don't care. So Coach Jason enlists Franklin (Peck), whose only job is to give us exposition.

example: FRANKLIN: "they used to be best friends but they started beefing over a girl."

They join the rag-tag crew of b-boys and prepare for battle. Funny how the leads of this film are the only ones who don't dance in this film. Among the crew is pop sensation Chris Brown. His character, Rooster, is beefing with another teammate over who is better and they have a dance off. Brown is known for his dancing outside of the movie. He usually is a krump dancer though. He doesn't have many moves to offer that are b-boy style other than leaping in the air. I wonder how the b-boy community feels about that. Anyway

Coach Jason immediately expels the other guy because the other guy isn't a Grammy winner  the other guy keeps saying "I" and "their is no 'I' in team." I'm not joking that is literally what he said. Homeboy is eliminated. They resume training which oddly enough doesn't involve any more dancing for quite a while. This is where we see why Coach Jason was chosen for this esteemed position. With a very nice whistle at his disposal he lays out his no nonsense rules.They are up and in the gym at six am .  Anybody late, even by a minute gets offed. They are expected to work twelve hours a day, everyday. Its montage time. Some pretty cool dancing is overshadowed by other physical activity. They do push-ups, they do drills, they run miles. In the fully staffed cafeteria Franklin gives us more exposition and pouts his lips a lot. Coach J is seen in his room with the torturous decision of eliminating guys each night and signaling this by ripping off that dancers picture from his poster board. We don't even know the guys that get eliminated or  why they are being sent home but we are supposed to care. We are also supposed to be very concerned about the flask Coach carries around, keeping the Coach-with-a-dark-past trope alive and well. The biggest problem with the film is lack of character development. We see these guys but know nothing about them. Not their names, or their stories. And the few they choose to elaborate on miss the mark completely. Their is a dancer that sneaks out of camp each night, supposedly setting up a very interesting mystery about  where he goes. I mean we don't know this dude from a can of paint but I'm sure interested in where he is sneaking off to! Rooster and his ex best friend set up our main conflict. They were good friends but now they're beefing. Its intense. They talk smack to each other in the cafeteria, they say snide things when coach isn't listening and their is ample mean mugging and bird flipping. The other guys choose sides so Coach Jason really has his hands full, trying to get everyone to act like a team which is probably the biggest dance movie cliche' ever.

When we reach the third act of the movie, Franklin hires a choreographer. A hot little blond that the guys drool over. I mean we have to have a female presence in a movie like this right? I can't help but wonder what exactly were they practicing before she got there? Battle of the Year is "the Olympics of our sport" but I suppose running around shirtless and NOT dancing will pay off.

We get another montage of dancing.  As they prepare for the their trip to France, Rooster and his ex best friend finally hash out their issues which are very easily solved. Sadly after the reconciliation Rooster hurts himself and can't go to the battle. But we find out that the dancer that was sneaking off is babysitting his child every night so that gives a very heartfelt moment. Watching a baby at night. So sweet. So compelling.

Finally, The Battle of The Year is upon us. Hello France. Hello custom made outfits from Puma. Finally some more dancing. Its quite good. But oddly enough for a movie about dance it takes a back seat to more drama. The guys get into a brawl at this pub. They get their asses kicked by some French thugs and in sharing this humillation, they finally come together as one unit. Somehow, with the wisdom from their coach, the moves from the hot blond, and their awesome sweat suits they make it to the finals.

Their final dance is the stuff of B-boy dreams! Pretty cool stuff. But I'm taken from admiring their dancing to laughing, as the director decides to cut back and forth from the dancing to commentary from the hosts of the competition. One can't help but notice that the hosts aren't even really there but reciting their lines of fake admiration in front of an obvious green screen elsewhere.With cheesy lines like "WOW! I have never seen this before. They're all in sync". To really amp the crowd the guys put on blindfolds and continue to dance we cut to " Oh my, they can't see, but they're all in unison!" It really is cringe worthy.  And you would think with such praise from the two hosts that our guys would have it in the bag. They lose. By one point. Harsh reality comes crashing down on them all. They just weren't good enough. Sometimes a team can give it their all and still not be quite good enough to win...but at least they tried. What an inspiring an beautiful message. Gritty and touching. Especially because they have their amazing coach to lift spirits after the upset of defeat. "We'll be back next year. We'll win next time. We can do it."  Forget the long ass flight it took to get here, the MONTHS OF TRAINING, and the fact that second place doesn't get shit. Everyone nods in agreement. They can do it. I'm left feeling optimistic when coach Jason asks "So, how does it feel to finally to be a team?" "It feels damn good coach."