a few notes about THE PARENT TRAP

A remake of the 1961 original movie, when it came out in 1998 I freaking loved this film. Heck almost 20 YEARS LATER (damn I feel old) I still do. My sister and I even seen it enough times to mimic the dance Annie does with her butler Martin. Lets cut the shit though. This movie portrays two of the cruelest parents in cinema. Despite my re-watching almost every time it plays on TV I must say although the movie may not SUCK, these parents sure do.

     The Parent Trap

1 .OK, so man meets woman. They fall in love. Marry? and procreate. The result, a set of identical twins.

• They divorce(?) and decide they never want to see each other EVER again, so they come up with the weirdest custody arrangement of all time. They each choose a daughter to take. They will each raise one daughter as if the other doesn't exist. They will never tell the daughter they have about their twin. 
•  How did they choose, I wonder. Love definitely wasn't a factor. Coin flip? Eeny meeny miny moe? Maybe they just grabbed  which ever daughter was closest, and ran!
• Because they both need as much space as possible mom moves to London to be a Fashion Designer, and dad moves to Napa, and owns a Vineyard. Either way they are both VERY rich.
• The only clue the girls get about their missing parent is a ripped picture. 

           In Napa, Ca: "Nice pic of mom, dad, but why is it ripped?"

In London: "Hey mom, is their something you want to tell me?"

NOTICE how it looks like one person holding the picture. That's because their is one person holding it. I must admit, although she's a sea Urchin now, Lindsay Lohan did amazing in this movie.

2. So yea, their is no mention of the person that shares the exact same DNA, their twin! So lady , you never miss or wonder about your other kid? Hey guy, never thought what your other daughter would be like? And I'm supposed to root for you all?

• Probably not because these two are the worst parents ever! Mom sends her 11 year old daughter ACROSS THE OCEAN for eight weeks to a summer camp. And she has the gall to make the butler escort her on the plane because she's too busy designing wedding gowns she will never get to wear. Dad is just as bad, sending his daughter to other side of the US for the summer.  While she's there, he asks a woman that's both half his age and  a stranger to his daughter to marry him. That's Parenting 101

3. So the girls meet at camp and just think it's a freak coincidence. 

• I mean they are from different parts of the world but they are Identical. The word twin is not even mentioned until much later. Unlike 12 year old girls everywhere dying to have someone that looks even remotely close to them, so they call each other twins. "OMG my twin."

4. I had no idea preteen girls can play poker. 

• The twins play a very intense game of Poker .You can see their girls cheering them on as they each pick up their respective cards.

I have to admit Hallie looked like a bad-ass

"deal me in"

5. Annie (the British one), has to jump into the lake, ass naked.

• The girls shout sexual gestures at her like ;

"Hot stuff!"
"LOOKING GOOD"
"Owww Baby"

Hallie (the one with short hair) takes Annies clothes. So a 12 year old girl had to run home to her bunk, in the buff? How was someone not thrown out of camp for this ?

• Apparently Annie ain't no snitch. Her and her twin square off in a prank war that defies gravity

Ain't no way in Hell them girls got that shit up there.

6. After being sequestered they discover they are twins.

• they were prompted by sharing a love for oreos and peanut butter
• and having the same birthday
• and they each brought their ripped picture of their absent parent to camp

7. They devise a plan to switch places so they can meet the asshole parent that literally wants nothing to do with them.

When Hallie and Annie each make it to their new homes and meet their parent for the first time , the tone is cheerful and fun when it really should be somber and heartbreaking. 

• Annie (using her american accent) can't stop calling her dad, dad
• Hallie (now in Merry ole England) is blown away that her mom is a famous fashion designer
• Apparently each parent, when they went solo, enlisted some help; Mom has Martin, her butler. Dad has Jesse, their housekeeper
• Although both have been there since day one and are extremely close to the family , in the movie world their is no threat of a sexual relationship with either
• Jesse is pretty hot though, I don't know if I believe Dad never tapped that

OK Jesse, muy caliente'

8. So the girls not only want to want to meet their parents, but also want to get them back together. Their are two problem's that I already mentioned though

• Well, we already know they hate one another so much they pretend to have one kid
• Daddy is getting married to Meredith Blake, 
• Meredith Blake, a woman half his age.... 
• I ain't saying she's a gold digger but... 

9. So mommy dearest finds out about the switcheroo and immediately books a flight to Cali so she can get her REAL baby back. Ouch

• So why did the respective parents not catch on sooner that they have the wrong twin? Because again, they are shitty parents, too wrapped up in their busy lives. Neither realized that somehow their daughters diet and tastes, fashion sense and speech have drastically changed over the summer. In both households it was NOT the parent that made the discovery..
• Meanwhile in Cali, Dad is soldiering on with wedding plans even after Meredith does not hit it off with "Hallie"
• Uses a bell to call Jesse like shes a dog
• and proves to be devoid of personality

She sexy though

10. So the parents and twins are finally all reunited for the first time in Eleven years. 

• This isn't awkward at all huh?
• Nobody mentions the heartless thing they did or why they chose one daughter and not the other
• Lets sweep everything under the rug. NOW we're acting like a family.
• And of course they still want to switch the girls back and get the hell away from each other but decide to do some sort of schedule so the girls can see each other since the jig is up.

11. So the girls have had it and trick their parents into their yearly summer camping trip

• Mom and dad have to oblidge because the girls threaten that they'll purposely switch places again on them again and they know their daughters so poorly that they cannot tell them apart. PATHETIC
• They use the camping trip to torture Meredith when their mom bails
• they give her sugar water and tell her its repellent
• they make her almost swallow a lizard

• Meredith announces she will be taking one large sleeping pill and going to sleep but lets be real, this is a kids movie. She took a Xanax.
• they put her sleeping cot adrift in the middle of the lake
• Surprisingly when Meredith tells their dad to make a choice between the girls and her, he actually chooses his children

ewwww

12. As soon as Meredith is out of the picture Daddy is ready to move on to mommy

• he spends the time driving back to the house  to mourn his almost marriage and that's it.
• But mom is not feeling it. At all. Well she kinda is. They almost kiss but she pulls away.
• Soon after the non-kiss Mom and Annie head back to England, planning on sending the girls back and forth for holidays. Its pretty shitty
• It rains the day they leave. Things are looking pretty bleak
• Somehow Hallie and Dad make  it to Annies house before they do and dad claims he can't lose them again.
• So basically mom swoons and kisses dad and we get a montage where they get married

My final word on the movie is that I find it very enjoyable. Nancy Meyers helped write and direct this film. She has had a hand in some of my all-time favorite movies like Somethings Gotta Give and Father of the Bride Part II. I think she did great with the material and Lindsay Lohan did still blow me away as a child actor. Too bad her career is in the toilet. Also Rest in Peace to Natasha Richardson she was a lovely lady and made this vile mother endearing.