Fatal Attraction and the Movie Wannabes
Fatal Attraction
The Originator
Year:1987
Actors: Glenn Close, Michael Douglas
Movie rating: R
Run time:1 hr 59 minutes
Why it works: The movie is a real mind-fuck. The stunts she pulls are sick, and desperate and dangerous. We find the husband in a very precarious situation and the ironic thing is he caused all of this to happen. Unlike the wannabes Dan actually cheated on his wife with a stranger. He did the worst thing he could ever do to his wife and he spends the entire film shitting a brick because he doesn't want her to know. This is real suspense. Its not some crazy lady just leeching herself onto a married man for no reason and doing ridiculous things to prove her "love". This woman is fragile and hurt and yes, bat-shit crazy. She has a motive and our guy has every reason to fear his wife will find out the truth.
The Wannabes (in chronological order)
A Thin Line Between Love and Hate
Year:1996
Actors: Martin Lawrence, Lynn Whitfield, Regina King
Movie Rating: R
Run time: 1 hr 48 minutes
Synopsis: Lets call it the Black version of Fatal Attraction because essentially it is. Darnell even says in the film "I'm in a real life motha-fucking fatal attraction."
Why It sucks: Actually although it's not something I need to see again, it's not horrible.
The movie took its time to marinate which I appreciated. Darnell first meets Brandi and she is clearly repulsed by him which isn't usual for Darnell because Martin Lawrence wrote himself to be a ladies man that literally has women begging to be with him. He spends much of his time and energy trying to win her over. After she finally agrees to go a on a date we see them develop a bit of a bond. They do couple-things and I believe their budding relationship. They break up when Brandi refuses to have sex with him in a forest. NOT KIDDING. When Brandi goes to see him at his club he tells her to stop wasting his time. Darnell is a bit of an asshole, no? When she calls him over to his house later the same night, they make love. Days later he decides to make Mia his wife and cuts off all his other side chicks including Brandi. Brandi isn't going away without a fight and fight she does with a gun, but she is taken down with a shot. Brandi lives though, Darnell wishes her well as long as she keeps her crazy ass away. I mean the writing is pretty atrocious and the characters a bit over the top but in all I thought this was an interesting attempt at a thriller. As far as being a wannabe to Fatal Attraction this may be the least offensive one.
Obsessed
Year:2009
Actor/s: Idris Elba, Ali Larter, Beyonce'
Rating: PG-13
Runtime: 1hr 48 minutes
synopsis: Derek is a successful stockbroker(?) , he and his lovely wife Sharon move into an enormous house as we meet them. As he heads off to work he meets an attractive woman in the elevator. Their is an immediate mutual attraction. Turns out the woman, Lisa, is the new temp for his office. She begins to think of Derrick as the perfect guy and even though he's married she's got her eyes set on him.
Why it sucks: For several reasons. Lets start with Sharon played by Miss Beyonce "I can't act" Knowles. It's obvious she is cast in this role because of who she is, and for someone who is a perfectionist with her music I wished she had taken more time to exercise her acting. The laughs were plentiful as Beyonce struggled to play the sassy Sharon. With odd dialogue added to bad delivery we got lines like "Love you baby, EAT SOMETHING!" And the famous line "you touched my child? (completely monotone).... I'll show you crazy." Also I was distracted by Beyonces cheap looking wig. I suppose she "didn't want to look like herself" by wearing an expensive, properly laid wig so she chose an ugly, cheap one. Many of Derricks problems in this movie could have been easily solved if he had just told his wife from day one what was going on. The Temp was hitting on Derrick and it went from fun and flirty to her throwing her cat at him in the bathroom during the office Christmas party. He attempted to tell his wife once and his boss once what was going on but found excuses to keep Lisa's advances under wraps, thinking like all men do, that he can get out scott-free. The shit hits the fan when Lisa follows Derrick to a work retreat. She slips something into his drink, and gyrates on top of him while he's completely out of it. They didn't have sex , which I'm sure she could have achieved in his state but this film is determined to show Derrick in a good light so Lisa is content with dry humping him.
When he finally yells at her she attempts suicide in his hotel room he finally has to come clean about what has been happening. We find out from the detective that this entire plot has only happened in a timeline of two weeks, ridiculous. After taking their child from their home while a babysitter is there and putting him in his car seat, Sharon finally realizes that Lisa is certifiable. The two women square off in a really epic fight. Their is headbutting, kicking, lots of dragging and taunting. "GET YO ASS UP!" Lisa falls from the collapsing ceiling onto a glass coffee table. She's still alive but a gigantic crystal chandelier falls on top of her. It's as graphic as you can get in a PG-13 flick. The entire time I'm more stunned with how enormous their house is. Seriously it's like an Estate, is Derrick a Governor or something? I don't know about the film but I'm definitely obsessed with their crib.
The Perfect Guy (FULL REVIEW COMING SOON)
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Year 2015
Actor/s Sanaa Lathan, Morris Chestnut, Michael Ealy
Rating: PG-13
Synopsis: Leah and her long time boyfriend Dave breakup because he cannot commit although they've been together for two years already. Newly single Leah meets Carter. He seems so sweet and sincere . They have electric chemistry and he seems "perfect". After meeting the parents Carter proclaims his love for Leah and then beats the living dog-shit out of a guy at the gas station. This terrifies Leah, she decides she doesn't want to see Carter anymore. Carter can't let Leah go, he begins stalking her. Leah gets back with Dave who has decided he can commit all of a sudden. Carter refuses to lose Leah to anyone.
Why it sucks: It's dumb. Carter is clearly a psycho and has this cheesy half grin he uses while he wants us to think hes a good guy. He even talks in a different voice, Subtle changes may get lost on an audience so things have to be very extreme. Him beating the dog-shit out of some guy at the gas station seemed like a really silly way to show us Carter is such a loose cannon. I can't stand the fact that their relationship troubles started MINUTES after Carter proclaims his love for Leah. Their relationship doesn't seem real because we don't see them doing couple stuff like watching movies, laughing, going out to eat. Leah introduces him to her friends and parents and all of a sudden they're star crossed lovers? I'm not buying it. Carter becomes your text book stalker. I mean extremely cliche' , I'm talking leaving a note on the car that says If I can't have you, nobody else will. He parks his very sexy car within close proximity to her house and watches her though the glass walls. Although he's within close distance Leah never sees him when she comes and goes. He even gets technical and breaks into her home and inserts cameras. While in there he sniffs her pillow and sucks on her toothbrush. This isn't disturbing, it's just stupid. For a large portion of the movie Leah deals with the stalking behavior . He ruins her life essentially, getting her fired and killing people in her life. In the end she kills him but he successfully ruined her. I can't see Leah having a normal life after Carter which doesn't make the ending too cheery. Imagine Leah trying to move on after all this?
The Boy Next Door
actor/s Jennifer Lopez, John Corbett
Rating R
runtime 1hr 31 minutes
Synopsis: Claire (Lopez) is separated from her Husband. Her neighbors grown nephew moves in next door and there is an immediate attraction. After a passionate night with Noah Claire realizes she's made a mistake and tells Noah that it cannot happen again. Noah loses control. He wants Claire all to himself.
Why it sucks: This one is bad but I may have liked it the most, that's still not saying much. The attraction between the Noah and Claire is instant and electrifying. Noah is hot and Claire is sexy as hell, its J-LO! Their sex scene is pretty steamy, remember this one is rated R. The very next day Claire is regretful and Noah punches a wall. It's shocking because he seemed like such a good , sweet kid, helpful around the house, took her dorky ass son under his wing, and is very intelligent. Speaking of Claire's son, he doesn't look like his mom is a Puerto Rican at all, he looks like the average white kid without a trace of any Latino roots but I digress. A switch goes off and Noah turns into a monster. Claire lets the little fucker blackmail her. She seems shocked when he walks into her classroom, Noah is "almost 20" but still has credits to finish to graduate....OK. By the way the actor playing Noah was 27 when this movie was made and he looks 27. So Claire finds herself shitting a brick for the next few weeks, months(?), no timeline is given actually. His attempts to get back at Claire are just over the top. AFTER he gets expelled for calling the vice principal the c-word, he sneaks into a school dance and writes I FUCKED CLAIRE PETERSON with spray paint on the wall and attempts to RAPE her on the spot. After Claire gets free I guess no one ever uses that bathroom again because no one mentions the obscenity on the wall. He also has pictures from the night they had sex printing into her classroom. At this point I think she should have just came clean because theirs no way she can get out of this now Noah is scorned and has a few screws lose. He's especially mad that she may be rekindling things with her estranged husband. Claire's son and husband almost die when driving 80mph and the breaks jam, thanks to Noah. Conveniently there were huge water containers for them to crash into safely. After Claire breaks into his house and discovers an entire room dedicated to her, including labeled pictures "Claire sleeping", etc., she also finds files about breaks on his computer. Turns out Noahs parents died in a car accident, the brakes failed. As Claire is doing this, Noah breaks into her friends home and beats her to death. He uses a voice recorder to trick Claire over. Seems Noah was able to kidnap both her son and husband and tie them up, ready to kill them as well in her friends huge barn. Claire has several opportunities to kill Noah but fails each time. In the end a heavy car part falls on him, very gruesome. The cops Claire called when she found her friend dead finally arrive and the movie ends. I wish it didn't I'd love to hear her statement to the cops after this fiasco, and not to mention, what she's gonna tell her husband and son when they come to.
When the Bough breaks
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Actor/s Morris Chestnut
Rating PG-13
Runtime 1hr 47 minutes
Synopsis:John and Laura Taylor are in the market for a surrogate. They choose a lovely young woman who seems sweet, to be the one to carry their child. Soon after she becomes pregnant her living situation becomes less than ideal and the couple move her into their guest house to keep her safe and happy. Laura being a workaholic is never home and the surrogate, Anna, realizes what an awesome guy John is and has her heart set on him. John isn't interested but has to be careful because she is carrying his kid.
Why it sucks: Them choosing Anna as a surrogate would never happen. First of all Laura instantly selected her because "she has trusting eyes" which is so stupid but I doubt Anna would be a good candidate as a surrogate for any agency to begin with. She's a poor young woman living in a not so ideal area with an asshole boyfriend. Days after the pregnancy is confirmed John brings Anna to her rundown home in the hood and is quite horrified. How did you not know her living arrangements before choosing to let her carry your child? Anna gets lucky when the Taylor's invite her to stay with them in their guest house.
The agencies do Psyche tests and their is no way they she would have passed it because shes a lunatic. It's revealed by one of Johns colleagues that the surrogate has been using a fake name and has rap sheet. I do not believe that friend can do a more thorough background check than an agency trusting women to have other couples BABIES. I'm calling BS on this whole thing. Also I don't see any wife picking a young, gorgeous sexpot to be a surrogate for her and her husband I don't care how trusting her eyes look. It's almost as if Laura wants Anna to fuck her husband. She tells John that their surrogate has been really horny, wanting sex and can't stop thinking about men. Laura immerses herself in work and is virtually NEVER home she even says to her husband, "you don't mind hanging out with Anna, do you, I think she likes you" as if its the most adorable thing on the planet.
Anna is pretty bold, home-girl only goes into the guest house to sleep. She showers, makes meals and coffee in the main house which seems inappropriate. She has a guest HOUSE to herself not a guest ROOM, I'm pretty sure all the amenities her preggo self desires are in there. I'm sure its bigger than my apartment actually but then again the Taylor's don't seem to mind. When Anna begins to act irate and obsessive to John she starts rockin' her hair in a fierce curly fro'. It looks great but come on, crazy girl=curly hair. It's stupid and not necessary. Anna begins to threaten to keep John and Laura's baby which at first seemed like total bullshit to me but upon research, is totally legal. ( I googled it.) So in all in wasn't the fact that Anna tries to pull this stunt on people who hired her to have their baby but the fact that someone can actually do this that really disturbed me. John actually does repeatedly have sex with Anna and it's his wife idea. When Laura learns that she's threatening to take their child she figures if John sleeps with Anna he can manipulate her into giving the baby back. It honestly goes nowhere because Anna figures out what they're up to and is pissed....and John, I'm wondering, did you enjoy your free pass or nah? Anna gives birth and attempts to flee. Turns out she's murdered some people. She dies a pretty violent death and the Taylors' get their baby boy. Talk about a birth story.
Watching these Wannabes was quite a task. I rolled my eyes, gasped, laughed my ass off and shouted at the TV. In all honesty I had a ton of fun putting this together. The amazing thing about film is that one concept can be done so many ways, even if it's done badly.
"No idea is original, there's nothing new under the sun, it's never what you do, but how it's done."
-Nas
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