God's of Egypt 2016

Director
Alex Proyas- Knowing (2009), The Crow (1994)
Writer/s

Matt Sazama- PowerRangers (2017) Uh oh 

Burk Sharpless- PowerRangers (2017) UH OH

Notable Actor/s
Gerard Butler-300 (2006)

Nikolaj Castor-Waldau- Game of Thrones

*SPOILERS

We are welcomed into "Egypt" with a lovely narrator, fairly reminiscent of the voice heard in the beginning of The Mummy(1999). Don't get excited, the comparisons stop there.
"Egypt is the Birthplace of the World."
Awesome. Guess they didn't find the place enchanting enough to film there though. The Australian outback was chosen as a back drop. Sometimes you see it, behind the ghastly CGI and horrible sets that I would expect from a play, (sorry that was an insult to Theater). For these reasons and more to come this movie feels anything but Egyptian. Shockingly the director is Egyptian but none of his actors are. Gerard playing the God Set is loud and overacting, as if this endeavor will be anything like 300.  This movie is more sluggish like some of his less critically acclaimed work in Law Abiding Citizen 2009. Nikolaj is playing Sets nephew, the God Horus. His legs are red from the sun and his charm doesn't translate nearly as well to the big screen as it does in Game of Thrones. Something about their garb is very off putting as well. Set, in dark rich armor felt more Greek inspired than anything. Horus' costume, while using a lot of Gold felt tacky and inauthentic.
 The dialogue is riddled with punchlines that are acknowledged but never hit. Despite the attempts at comedy the movie still takes itself way too seriously, thinking its this epic love-story taking place during an action packed thrill ride. In reality It's an agonizing two hours and 9 minutes and its a nightmare of a spectacle.
So we get plenty of exposition  from our narrator we are told many things instead of being shown them even though they are things we see later. Apparently the Gods are a lot taller than us. This is obvious whenever a mere mortal is in the same general area with a God but I did forget the difference in size when they were not on screen together. The Gods look no different than you and I do, besides their height.  Also they bleed liquid gold that is hot as magma. This might have been a good idea in theory but the follow through is lack luster.
Osiris is the ruler of Egypt. He is ready to pass  his torch to his son Horus. Not really sure why, guess it's just time. Horus and every other God of Egypt stand on a great stage in front of the people that truly worship them. The Gods are not very diverse in race except the wise God Thoth, who  is actually played by a black man. I almost included the woman that plays Isis as the other minority, but upon finding out her on IMDB I discovered shes a blond, Australian woman. Not the sultry vixen with long black hair and olive skin the movie makes her out to be. I was certainly fooled. So one black person and one person that looks like a minority makes this movie feels its checked its diversity quota. Their are plenty of people of color playing anonymous extras but they clearly aren't compelling enough to be on top billing of the cast.
As Osiris gets ready to pass the torch to Horus, by giving him his tacky, fake looking, gold crown Uncle Set rudely interrupts. Arriving quite late he's welcomed by his family. Set has an ulterior motive, he's here to claim the throne for himself. He challenges his brother for the Kingdom his reasoning is very odd;
"In 1000 years of peace what have you accomplished! Your people dream of nothing more."
Clunky ass writing. I'm not sure what that even means. Set kills his brother in front of the whole people of Egypt, everyone gasping in horror.  As he dies we get a shot of his crown rolling on the ground and coming to a stop. Nice subtle, symbolism there. Set demands all Gods bow to him or die! This is confusing because I thought they were Immortal. It's also confusing because the "good" gods outnumbered Set at least  thirty to one. Those are some good odds. However, everyone was too scared. Horus leaps up to avenge his father. They fight while simultaneously arguing.
"I looked up to you!" *bang*
As the anger erupts in Horus erupts he mutates to his real God form. Becoming a (fake looking) shiny creature covered in gold with wings. Set turns into the same creature but black metal. Wow, what feast for the eyes. Isis, who is in love with Horus and in line to be the Queen of Egypt, begs for mercy. Set defeats his nephew but spares his life, taking instead his eyes. Horus needs his eyes to fly. They hold his power. When Horus goes down he's leaking golden blood everywhere. It looks like he fell asleep during a craft project. It's hot as the Earths core but doesn't melt anything as it drips.... Set appoints himself the new King of Egypt.
We  now are introduced to some people of Egypt, the mere mortals. We need someone to relate to. We get to know Bek, a slave and a pickpocket. He's your typical oppressed servant; young, attractive, and regularly skips out of his work without being seen to visit his girlfriend Zaya. Life as a slave doesn't seem too bad from his point of view actually. Nor does Zayas' life. I would definitely classify her as a house slave because her job is to work for the God Sets architect. I'm not snure exactly what her job entails besides office upkeep. Her owner scolds her as if a child when the wind knocks his papers off the desk "yet again!" The way he treats her isn't cruel or mean, he actually acts as if Zaya's quite dim. Zaya and Bek decide to use one of her bosses blueprints to find Horus's eyes and return them to him. Everything works out quite easily, she quickly finds the right scroll out of thousands that is like a treasure map to Horus's eyes. Bek hitches a ride on top of a truck carrying gold trinkets for Set. His jump lands softly without a noise, as if he just jumped onto a bed of pillows and not metal. The truck takes him to the dungeon holding the eyes. Given the tools to debunk all the booby traps, Bek breezes through with God-like finesse but only retrieves one eye. Apparently Set hid the other eye somewhere else. To go through all that trouble making sure his nephew never staged a coupe I'm surprised he didn't just kill him when he had the chance. When Bek returns to his girl, Zayas boss, who is apparently more obsessed with his office than we thought, noticed his missing scroll. Out of thousands. They even put an empty one in his place and he knew it was fake. He scolds them both an even admits he knows they've been fornicating in his home. Zaya messed up a really good gig. This guy is the coolest, most laid back, slave owner. Ever. 
 Zaya and Bek flee on a horse and carriage. As they turn one final time to look back at that asshole, an arrow goes straight through Zaya. Bek gasps. That is the extent of his mourning for his girlfriend. She dies and he takes her to Anubis. Under Sets' new laws the people have to buy their way into the afterlife. Zaya tells Anubis she has nothing to offer other than her smile, which frankly isn't worth much. He takes her to Limbo. Limbo isn't Hell but it's pretty much hell because it's a long ass line of people walking very slowly. Bek decides to bring Horus his eye in hopes that he will help him bring Zaya back.
When he finds Horus, he's a drunk, blind, miserable chap feeling powerless. After  he stealthily dodges Horus's attempts to kill him, Bek gives him his eye and promises to help him reclaim the throne if he helps bring back his girlfriend. At first Horus is quite appalled that a mortal would even have the audacity to try and barter with him, but he soon finds him to be "useful" , Bek has a knack for staying alive against all odds. He doesn't appear to fear death either. Remember this is the person they want us to "relate" to. They embark on their journey to find Set but Horus is also determined to find his other eye. He feels rather powerless without it. Along the way they meet back up with Isis. Isis has spent her time in Sets' bed to keep herself alive. She is very unapologetic about getting it on with her lovers uncle for survival. Horus takes it all in stride.
They discuss their plans while wading through water. Despite the difference in height between Bek and the Gods, the water hits them all at the same point, right below the knee. Their is definitely something off scale here.
The trio escape a few minions that Uncle Set sends their way, now having gotten wind that his nephew is back. When Sets' right hand man finds them and asks where is Horus's eye, Horus retorts 
"Up your butt"
Instead of them easily killing Bek they give Horus ample time to save him. I detect that the two are becoming fast friends. When Isis attempts to go back to Set to "secure her future" he calls her out.
So she escapes to the underworld. Eventually she gets back with the guys and they decide to go to the Sphinx, the only problem is they need help to solve the Spinx's riddle.  They decide to enlist the God Thoth (remember, he's the only black man in the film... you can guess how things are going to end for him.) The Spinx is a gigantic digital image. His voice is supposed to sound demonic but its so hoarse that I couldn't even hear his riddle. Thoth figures out the riddle, after a few tries and they all go on their way. Until Uncle Set shows up and kills Thoth in a swift movement. He spoils his opportunity of surprise to kill Horus first and then deal with the riff raff later. He kills the least threatening of the Gods first and gives Horus a chance to defend himself. Again he has a chance to murder his vengeful nephew but he decides to lock the trio in a cage and let the grand structure collapse on top of them. He leaves before making sure they are truly dead.
 At different times Horus and Set each visit Ra, the Sun God. He is Horus' grandpa and Sets' dad. He's a bit of a hard ass to both. Hes not too upset that Set killed his other son. He's just not very impressed with how Set is running things. To Horus he basically tells him he needs to settle his grievances with his uncle himself. Hmmm. Ra may be the most realistic character in this movie.
Horus and Set face off again and since we're approaching the two hour mark we know this time one of them will fall. Obviously we know that the good guy Horus will be the victorious one. The battle is epic and brings Egypt to its knees. They really destroy the place. Horus is given a choice to save Bek or his other eye. He's no longer a selfish guy, although their was never evidence he was to begin with. He saves Bek and finds his inner strength without his eye.  Feeling more powerful Set and Horus continue fighting. Set is now whooping Horus' butt but he gets cocky like all villains do and he starts to monologue, giving his opponent the upper hand. When he finally stands over Set ready to kill him, their is golden blood dripping everywhere, It's so stupid. Set utters 
"I showed you mercy."
It's true. Set could have killed his nephew long ago but then we wouldn't have this ridiculous movie. Horus doesn't take the bait though. Maybe he knows if he doesn't kill his uncle their will be a sequel. Horus shows us he's a changed man but not stupid. He kills Set and the people of Egypt bow to him. One slave even found his eye. Bek dies from being wounded during the fight. Horus can't believe his only friend is gone. But wait, gramps is the most powerful God of all, ain't he? Well at least in this movie. In closing Zaya and Bek come back from the dead and Horus finally gets to wear his crown from Party City. Now we can only pray that their will not be another movie. That people of Egypt can be left to lives peacefully. I'm not too ashamed to pray to the white Gods to have mercy on us this time.